I used to be ashamed to admit that I’ve used dating apps. It seemed that people always viewed the use of them as the act of someone desperate. Since the uprising of Tinder, it seems to have become the norm and most single people I know have used one app or another at some point. I have been using them for years now; I first met someone off of one when I was still a teenager.
Luckily the guy I met wasn’t a complete weirdo. I ended up being in a relationship with him for about six months until he decided that he no longer wanted a girlfriend, he wanted to be able to get shitfaced on drugs as and when he pleased. We were on and off for a few years; most of which he messed me around.
Recently single, I was talking to my friend who has used Tinder a few times and I decided to see what all the fuss was about. I also wanted to meet new people. I wasn’t necessarily interested in finding a future boyfriend; I just wanted to have fun and go out with new people. When I used dating apps a few years ago I don’t think Tinder even existed; I had always used Plenty of Fish.
So, having downloaded Tinder I got swiping (mainly left, I must say) and at first I loved it. I really liked the fact that someone could only message you if you had matched. It made me feel a bit safer in the knowledge that if someone looked like a right weirdo (yes I judge people on their looks, don’t most people?!) I wouldn’t have to deal with unwanted messages. I’m not going to lie, Tinder was really addictive. I think the first day I had it I spent about an hour and a half swiping away (yes, I have no life).
I started talking to a guy who seemed quite nice, we shall call him ‘B’. Anyway, after a few days swapping messages, B asked me if I fancied meeting up that Wednesday to which I said yes. We seemed to have quite a lot in common, the banter was flowing and I enjoyed messaging him. He had added me on Facebook (he had asked if he could, I wasn’t particularly bothered about having a FB stalk) and we were talking A LOT.
I was quite excited to meet him and then the day before we were due to go for a drink I got an iMessage from an email address I didn’t recognise saying ‘I want to be straight with you, I’ve been on a date with someone from work, it went really well and I want to see her again so I don’t think it would be right to meet up with someone else’. At first I wasn’t sure who the message was from and I messaged back saying ‘Sorry, who is this?’. Needless to say, I didn’t get a response. As soon as I had sent the reply I kinda figured out who it had been, I looked on Facebook and sure enough, he had removed me! I’m not too sure why seeing as I didn’t do anything wrong but there we go!
Kinda miffed that someone who had initially pursued me had suddenly acted as though I was more offensive than Hitler, back to Tinder I went. At this point I also downloaded POF as it’s something I had used and met people from before so it seemed familiar in a way.
If you’ve used both Tinder and POF you’ll probably agree when I say they are SO different. You may match with hundreds of people on Tinder but the reality is for every 10 you match with only one will send you a message, something I find very strange. What baffles me even more is when you match with someone, send them a message and then they don’t reply.. Like, what is the point?!
POF is a whole other ball game. Pretty much anyone can message you. You can set parameters on things such as age, if you’d date someone who smokes, someone who has kids etc but there are some right weirdos on there. I’m not sure what makes people think it’s ok to start a conversation by telling me I have a nice pair of tits or perfect blow job lips but on POF this is the norm. Despite the weridos, some people on there are alright.
I started talking to one guy who we shall call J, early thirties, numerous tattoos, good job, ambitious, seemed to tick all the boxes. We went on a date for some drinks, it went really well but I could tell that he was quite immature and that he was a serial dater. Not that this is a bad thing, after all, I only wanted to meet new people but being older, I would have assumed that he would have been a bit more mature. Maybe there is some truth in what my mum says when she tells me that men never grow up!
I began talking to another guy, we shall call him D. On POF you can see when someone has viewed your profile. I saw that D had viewed me and something about him stood out. I’m not sure what but I decided to message him despite the fact he had viewed me and not said anything. I almost immediately got a reply and he explained that he had been too shy to message me first as he thought I was out of his league (no, I’m not blowing my own trumpet here, just explaining what he said). Again, just like with B and J we seemed to hit it off. Something about D seemed different though. I’m not sure what it was but there was something about him. We began talking to each other over the phone and I found myself looking forward to our daily chats. We planned to meet up and then out of the blue I got a message saying how he really liked me and I was just the type of girl he would want as a girlfriend (easy tiger!) but he wanted to concentrate on himself; his job, losing weight etc. This was really hard for me to understand as again, he was the one who pursued me. I didn’t pursue him.
I started to get a bit sick of dating apps as I was fed up with guys saying one thing and meaning something else altogether. I was really close to deleting the apps and then I began talking to someone on Tinder, we shall call him S. Normally if someone only has one picture on a dating app I will give them a wide berth as I always find it a bit suspicious but with S, I didn’t. There was something about him that I was drawn to. I didn’t hold out much hope of receiving a message as you know, people don’t actually like to talk on Tinder but when my phone flashed with a notification I was pretty pleased. We began having a chat and seemed to get on well so we exchanged numbers. I think it was a Wednesday that we started talking and after only a short while of exchanging messages S asked me if I would like to go for a drink. Normally I would spend a bit longer trying to suss someone out but I said yes anyway. We arranged to meet near where he lived that Saturday.
Saturday comes around, I message S to confirm that we are meeting that evening and yep, it’s all systems go. I start getting ready and nothing seems to be going right. My eyeshadow won’t blend how I want it to and I’m beginning to lose my patience. I ended up running slightly late but I messaged S to let him know and luckily he was fine with it. Anyway, after struggling to find somewhere to park for about 15 minutes, I found somewhere and kinda just sat in my car. I was terrified. I don’t know why but for some reason my nerves were ten times worse than usual. After a few minutes of silence in my car I forced myself to get out and go and meet him. He messaged me asking where I was and I said I had parked and then oh shit, he was ringing me. I had a mini panic and kinda let it ring a little bit before answering it.
Anyway, I did meet him, we went to some random pub and it was going well. About an hour into the date he kissed me and I was a bit like wtf. Completely taken off guard, I felt a bit awkward. As I was driving I couldn’t have a drink to calm my nerves which probably didn’t help. We ended up having a couple of drinks in that pub and then we went to another one as he was getting bored. The second pub we went to was the epitome of an old mans pub. It was tired, dreary and worn looking but, it wasn’t very busy so we had a bit of privacy which was nice.
Anyway, after the pub I ended up going back to his and staying the night. I text my best friend at 8:30 Sunday morning saying I had just got home and her response was ‘Did you shag?! I want details!’ to which the answer was no. I think I had made it clear that I wasn’t down for a one night stand and S was the perfect gentleman. He didn’t try anything and we literally just had a cuddle whilst watching TV.
I have seen S since, we see each other quite a lot, enjoy each other’s company and I’m really happy with the way things are going at the moment. My experience with S just goes to show that some people from Tinder are actually alright and if you’ve been in two minds about signing up I’d say go for it!